I was about 13/14 years old and had been talking to a much older man over the internet. He was about 50 if I remember correctly. I had been dressing in my mother’s underwear and dresses for a few years and found it so sexy, I had not considered myself gay or bi, I just knew I belonged in female attire, it made me happy and felt natural. The thought of pleasing this man made me excited, terrified and scared, but very excited. I could tell from my little clitty. After chatting for a few hrs he wanted to meet me?I had never met anyone before; no one had ever seen me dress before? But I agreed. I then spent the next day trying to think of excuses, ways out of doing this, I was in denial, I told myself I was straight, It was not what I wanted. I tried talking myself into not meeting him. But I couldn’t… something inside me made me do it. I hated myself for it, I was disappointed and disgusted in myself, BUT the self hate made me want it more??? I knew it was wrong. It was too late I had. Maybe it is time you learn your mouth can get you into big trouble.”Tim looked at the instructor with a bit of surprise on his face. He didnʼt know what he was getting at. He thought the instructor was going to challenge him to a fight or something like that. While he was a black belt, he wasnʼt sure he could take the instructor and didnʼt want to find out.The instructor looked at John and said “you up for this?”John just smiled and nodded his head once.Tim looked from the instructor to John and back then smiled in understanding.The instructor called all of the students and put them in a circle. He looked each one in the eye and said “I donʼt teach martial arts so you can bully people. When you get the higher belts I expect a certain level of mental and physical restraint. What we have here is a man who earned his black belt a while ago. While he has the necessary physical skills he still hasnʼt learned the mental restraint that goes with those skills. I have tried to teach you to.
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