..come on too strong."Then she looked back, clapping her hands together. "Right! Now as for why you're here, let me explain: there's going to be a wedding, and you're the groom!"Jack blinked. Once. Twice. Three times."WHAT THE FLYING FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!"Lily winces, holding her hands and smiling nervously. "I'm not done explaining!" I didn't consent to any wedding!" Just let me finish, Jac-" Hell, I'm not even interested in getting married! I'm fine being a bachelor!" If you woul-" Shut up! Just shut up! What the hell is even going on?!" LET ME EXPLAIN, YOU DUNDERFUCK!" Lily shrieked, her mouth opening as wide as a snake's and her tail angrily curling into a wheel.Jack paused. "Did you just say dunderfuck?"Lily ignored his question, taking in a deep breath. Uncurling her tail, she straightened her hair before continuing. "Yes, I did, now, let me explain what's going on. Tomorrow, at exactly 1:15, you were going to die."Jack's mouth dropped open. "I was... how?" he asked. I showed my little strip of paper to a young PFC (Private First Class) with that look of confidence exhibited by admin clerks all over the world. He suppressed a yawn and directed me to a corner office occupied by a dangerously thin Captain and a Lance Corporal with the worst case of acne I have ever seen in my life.The captain never looked up from his book other than to verify I was a lowly enlisted turd. The Lance Corporal pulled out a file from a combination locked chest and wrote down directions for me. Apparently the unit I was assigned to was located at a South Vietnamese compound south of the Air Base. He told me to ask for Sergeant Tran or Captain Lee. The American officer in charge was a General “Bucky” Maddigan. (Not the real name, but not far off) Under no circumstance was I to bother the General unless he asked for me personally. I was OK with that because I figured the further I was from any field grade officer, the better.Sergeant Tran was a really small guy, even for a.
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