I felt inadequate. Was I not worth living for? I feel nothing but shame for every moment of it. I wish you’d come back here, to where I first discovered you. I wish I could beg your forgiveness, I wish I could take your hands again and convince you with every cell in my being that I still loved you, that it was myself I hated. I’d silence any attempt of yours to tell me that you felt the same way, that you felt less than you were before. I’d tell you every truth I had and hoped that you’d believe just one. I’d fix and clean off all of your pages and restore you to your deserved glory. Why did I spend years building you up and only moments tearing you apart? If I traversed every corner of the world, could I find all of the pages flowing in the wind? Could I collect them and piece them back together? I wish so badly that I could. I love you still. I love you to the point that it aches. I love you beyond reason. I love you so much that it frightens me, because that’s the only way I know. Now, everything had changed. There was a biological weapon at loose in the world, and it was now their job to cure the disorder it caused.Their division’s work was now beyond relevant, it was central to the fixing of human sexuality. The short-term danger was everyone breaking taboos in every culture to keep from going crazy. Among the long-term dangers was that reproduction was now impossible.Jim Shaw and his wife Louise were infected, just like everyone else, so it was a problem he experienced firsthand. In recent years, they had fallen into a pattern of sex a few times a year, or sometimes once a month when they were more in the mood. Now, in line with the virus’s demands, they did it every other day. But instead of ending with the satisfaction of orgasm, it just ended. They felt their urgent hunger for sex satisfied, but they missed the usual completion of orgasm. It was not fun. People without a regular partner had it much worse -- they had the major complication of having to.
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