I started hating her. I didn’t know how to get out of this. I mentioned once that maybe it was time I grew up and learned to eat real food. She again threatened to tell Mom everything and pulled my head into her breast.“I can feed you now or a firm spanking will be at hand and then we’ll try again after.” she said so matter-of-factly.We’ll try again after. It sounded like it was a chore that she was responsible for. “I won’t let you starve to death, dummy.” she smirked as she cuffed me over the head.I obediently sucked the milk out from her nipple. I remembered how much I used to love nursing from her, now it just felt like an exercise and since my bottom was always being spanked, it always hurt. Even during the feedings all I could think about was how much my bum hurt. I used to comfort myself sucking my thumb by pretending it was her nipple, but now I started taming the feeling of embarrassment feeding off a breast as an adult by pretending her nipple was my thumb. Thumb sucking was. ’ ‘You are a young women with a hearty sex drive, don’t be alarmed.’ She wipes her tears and smiles faintly. ‘Well just for my record keeping I am keeping track of all of my partners. I purchased a brand new journal and a new pen. This season in my in life is titled: The fuck of the thirties.’ It consists of dates, names, descriptions and a score from 1 to 10 for each of my new partners. ‘Chayne that is very interesting, what gave you the idea to record these events?’ Well Dr. B I am so disconnected from myself when I am allowing these men to use me sexually and I have no idea how to manage stress properly so I figured if I look at my sexual activity in black and white I will have more insight. That is just how I feel about it anyway. I feel as if I am spiraling out of control and I know rock bottom is soon to follow but I still cannot get off the train. It is a very helpless feeling. ‘Talk to me more about your feelings Chayne.’ Well I think that…… ‘I’m sorry to interrupt Chayne but.
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