He hesitated, then came in.I faced him boldly, and stuck out my hand. "Hi, I'm Beth. What's your name?" Uh, Larry," he answered, taking my hand limply. I gave him a firm handshake, the way daddy had taught me.He didn't know where to look. He wanted to look at me, but he was afraid to.Stepping back, I posed for him, intensely conscious of the feeling of being outside, with the cool, fresh air touching me, the sun warming my shoulders and flank. "It's all right to look," I assured him, turning slowly.He just stood there, gaping until I had finished my turn and was facing him again. "Wow!" he breathed. "You're naked!" Uh huh," I agreed. "And you're not." Uh, no," he admitted."But that's okay," I assured him. "You don't need to get naked, I don't mind." Oh. Okay." He kept staring, and I could see a bulge in his pants, so I was having some effect on him. "You're beautiful!" Thank you! Would you like to sit down? Can I get you a soda or something?" Uh, yeah, I guess so. Uh, why are you. .............What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had.
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