I paid her for it, of course, before she left, then sat there and stared at it. I let it sit on my desk, not even touching it, my attention drifting back to it often. until someone came in. I grabbed for the box and swept it into a drawer before anyone saw it. I then left it there until it was time to go home.Once home, I took the box and sat it on the table and, for the first time, took it out of the box. I felt it in my hands, looking mostly at it's size and thickness. Yes, definitely bigger than my husband's was. It actually looked like a penis. A circumcised one, which my husband also wasn't. But he was gone, and I had to deal with it. I held the fake penis in my hand as if there was a man there. I pulled it, stroked it, rubbed it against my cheek, put it on my lips - oh, yes, it was bigger! I decided I needed to use it, see how it felt. I slowly stripped off my clothes, looking in the mirror as I did it. This was the first time I really felt like a woman since Rapulu's death, a. The bell rang and we went to locker-room. I found that I had a key tolocker, I shared it with Natalie."Too bad," she said. "I liked to be alone." It's just a temporary, remember?" I answered. "And it's a holiday. Youneedn't to worry about this in next semester." Oh, yeah, sure. I forgot."I examined foreign clothes hid in my locker. I was afraid that they wouldbe extremely girlish, but luckily not - a vision of wardrobe full of pinktops and skirts haunted me from the moment I realized how the realityaltered after my transformation. It was foolish, I know. It was a Februaryin East Europe, wasn't it? No one wore a skirt then.Therefore, there were a nice white shirt, jeans and grey sweater. All mybooks laid in a green tourist backpack with three gold arrows embroideredon it. There were also sewn badges from some scout trips. So I was still ascout, I realized.Changing clothes was an embarrassing experience, maybe even stronger thatsame transformation. The presence of other girls distracted.
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