.. but in lateDecember... with a bit of a wind blowing, and dark outside... Ifelt I could pass.I went into my bedroom to change... the floor was thumping alittle, the guy underneath likes soft rock, and plays veryloudly. Might be a problem, if he's still in later. Damn! I HOPEhe'll go out... otherwise I'll have to slip out and I hate theworry of running into him as I return.I turned to the bed... I'd laid my outfit out already. Dark.Black skirt... fitted... stopping just above the knee... and ablack round neck cardigan with buttons all the way to thetailored waist. I wanted to wear stockings... but it was cold,and I'd settled on thickish tights. I'd also wear my flat blacksuede boots... knee length.Underneath it was black lace wonderbra, and high cut matchingpanties. Tucking myself back between my legs, I dressed...loving the feel of the different materials.Once dressed, my favourite bit... the final look in the mirror.I was surprised... I looked good. Not ravishing... but betterthan. I owned several passports and I knew how to become invisible. In fact, Mike Logan, was only one of my names. I would have been happy to stay Mike Logan and grow old with Kat.My shock was quickly turning into a burning rage mixed with grief, and self pity. Tears fell from my eyes as I lost control and let my feelings surface. I just let it happen. I had to let my grief at the death of my marriage run its course. I let the grief and pain I had repressed for the many friends that died in foreign battles mix with the tears that fell for Kat. My façade of steel had cracked. I was grateful that there were no eyes to see my miserable state. Later, I felt better. It all flowed out in one big flood of emotion. Healing had begun. I was ready to retire, make peace with the ghosts of my past and try to build a new life.Damn her! I didn't want to feel anything. She changed me in ways I cannot describe. Heaven was now hell. Because of her, I would never be the same. How many times has she looked.
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