He knew with his body shape that he would look ridiculousand totally unconvincing. He was mocked for this - the idea was after allabout making everyone look ridiculous but he stubbornly refused, denouncing itas 'stupid'. Some of his friends actually looked pretty good as women -but they tended to be slim in build.Martin’s fantasies, however, were of another kind altogether. He may have seemed a very conventional man but for all his outwardly straight appearance, heharboured some pretty strange fantasies - of being dominated, forced toserve a man and be his slave. And this is something he exploredincreasingly throughout his 20s. But in truth he was a pretty bad slave - hewas manipulative and controlling, albeit doing it from the bottom. Hefound myriad excuses and devices and strategies and plans to get his ownway so that the poor, so-called Master became his enabler, he facilitator.Most ended up dancing to his tune.Occasionally he would find a man who would make use of the fact that. Gary leaned into him and put his arm around his benevolent benefactor. "I have a fantasy about my wife. I mean it is a lulu to, would you like to hear it boss?" Again Paul nodded, "A little background is in order. When we was kids and fucking in the back seat of my old Toyota crown Becky would moan and groan some, kind of loud you know. She spread her legs easy then. Still I could tell she never liked it much – I don't know how I knew, but I knew."So one night I was a little buzzed, not like this evening – I'm as the English says – pissed tonight. I mean just a small buzz." Holding his fingers up barely apart, Gary continued with the story. "I got carried away and was rough with her when we," pausing he chose his next word carefully, "FUCKED! – You know what I mean – FUCKED – because that was what it was. Honest to God Fucking, not our usual lovemaking all slow, touchy-feely, sweet and loving. But the night we made Billy I fucked her like a man. She liked it too, you know she.
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