She felt pathetic and wretched, but the Stirring was still surging through her blood, and she was desperate, and she didn’t want to go find another man to sate herself with. She’d had those nights before, and she hated them. “I have work in the morning,” Jerol complained. “Nort says we got’s to muck out all the stable and check the horses for worms. Says the stable’s fallen behind while we been helpin’ with the harvest. Don’t rightly see what stable folk like us got to do with harvests anyway. Don’t they got you lot in the house for all that mess?” Silmaria didn’t bother explaining to him. Jerol was stupid. Not a simpleton, just stupid and dumb as dumb could be. Silmaria didn’t care; she figured all the blood that most people got to go to their brains must have been occupied pumping to his generously endowed cock, and she was quite okay with that. Instead of arguing with him, Silmaria simply slunk forward along the stable floor, ignoring the way the straw and dirt pressed into her. In diesem Fall bin ich sogar mal deren Meinung. Ich werd's tun. Ich werd's tun! Ich leih' mir von Papa das Ersatzbrotmesser aus, das er im Keller in dem linken Schrank so schoen saeuberlich in Papier eingewickelt aufbewahrt.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx - EIN JAHR SPAETER - xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxIch hab's getan. Ich habe mein Leben veraendert. Heute ist es mir unerklaerlich, wie ich damals den Mut dafuer habe aufbringen koennen. Meine Therapeutin sagte mal, mein innerer Schmerz waere zu jener Zeit so gross gewesen, dass ich dadurch die Angst vor diesem zu erwartenden koerperlichen Schmerz nicht mehr als beaengstigend empfunden haette. Mag schon sein.Meine "Selbstbehandlung" ging uebrigens fast schief. Aber, waere sie schief gegangen, waere sie eigentlich auch gut verlaufen. Mir ist erzaehlt worden, dass ich nach der Pause gefehlt haette, mein damaliger Lehrer Herr Bauhofer nach mir hat suchen lassen, und dass ich nur ganz durch Zufall von einer Drittklaesslerin, die eine grosse Karte aus dem.
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