The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called ‘impeckable’ tree almost without breaking a sweat.Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you’re away from home.This one is compliments of Rick M.Things that you should never say to a woman during an argument:10- Don’t you have some laundry to do or something?9- Aww, you are so cute when you get all ticked off.8- You’re just upset because your a****is beginning to spread.7- Wait a minute -- I get it. What time of the month is it?6- You’re sure you don’t want to consult the great Oprah on this one?5-. ? A light went on in Mariah’s eyes as I got up off the couch and went to my armoire and took out a thick ivory hairbrush, the kind that they don’t make anymore. It was five inches long and almost as wide as a Ping-Pong paddle.Mr. Kipps, it is sad to say, used to use this on my own bare bottom when I exceeded our Master Charge card. It didn’t reform my spending habits one bit, but did lead to some interesting evenings?.?I also can’t abide the way you dress for your job at court. Those disgusting blue jeans--??No, Mrs. Kipps, I just wear them to take depositions on Saturdays—?SLAP! I reached over and gave it to her right across the face with my left hand. ?Did I ask your opinion, young lady?? I stood back and tapped the hairbrush on my palm, admiring the hard red palm print on her face. It helps to wear lots of rings!?N-no ma’am, you didn’t.? Mariah had said, staring at her moccasins.?Well, you know what happens now. Take down those faded disgraceful dungarees, and bend across my lap,.
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