You want more from me than I can give. Live with that or don’t, but don’t ever threaten me with that again. If you can’t be cheerful and positive when you write me, I don’t want to hear from you at all.’ He was horrified and fell into a blind panic. He sent her five or six more emails that afternoon, apologizing, begging her forgiveness, apologizing again. To prove he could be positive, he sent her a lame joke he had heard the day before, he couldn’t even think of a good one. He hadn’t meant to say he meant to kill himself. He only meant he was in for a long night of tears and aching, but looking back at what he wrote, he could see how she could have taken it that way. He didn’t trouble to deny it. She didn’t answer. He tried to call her office and got her machine, and left another message, his voice shaking with panic, begging her forgiveness once again. He left two more over the next few days. She didn’t answer, no matter what he wrote. A week went by, then two. He had. He held her close and whispered, "Mother, it is not good to care too much for me. I live a dangerous life and I am playing a dangerous game. If I live through it I hope to give everything up and just be a simple Cheyenne warrior. Then I will laugh and play." She snorted and spoke a little louder than he thought was wise, "You are going to get killed, if you don't take care of yourself. You talk about being a simple warrior; nothing about you is simple. Most warriors want to be a War Chief, you are a War Chief and you want to be a warrior. You have a lodge full of women, and most warriors can't keep a single woman that isn't tied down for the night. But at least having those women keeps out the ones that would be sneaking in during the night. I wish that you had never come to the Cheyenne. They will kill you as a young man."Fighting Hawk was stunned at her words. He didn't know what to say for a long time. "If you think that my life was good before I came here you are wrong. My father.
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