"And that works?" Fooled you. Besides, I tell them that my husband is this big honking ex-football player and that is enough to keep them at bay." Football player? Me?" I dreaded asking."Yeap." She said with a toothy grin"Uhmm, that is sort of what I wanted to talk to you about."She grabbed my bicep and squealed again, "Do you want to marry me?!" No, but my wife seems to think that I am your father. Do you know anything about that?" Oh." Was her reply, her mood immediately subdued. "Mom said that Ann would keep that quiet." Is your mother Leticia Gladfelter of West Virginia?"Smiling, very proud of her mother, "That's her." And I am your father?" You aren't the man whom I grew up calling daddy, but yeah, I come from your loins." Why didn't your mother ever contact me and tell me about you? Hell, for child support at least?" Child support wasn't needed. Our family, my mom's family takes care of each other. And mom said that she had me with you because you were all sorts of dreamy and my. This time, I wouldn't be bearing gifts for Nolan. I figured it wasn't good for the boy to be showered with presents on every occasion.Well -- except I had managed to locate a Donruss baseball card featuring none other than Todd Dushay, intrepid infielder. It was a full-frontal close-up of the upper half of said Todd Dushay. The photo demonstrated (as so many of them did) that most grown men looked faintly ridiculous wearing a baseball cap.My "lifetime" major league stats appeared on the back of the card -- limited to my two September call-ups by the Orioles and, earlier, by my former employers. The bulk of my major league career -- which is to say, the current year -- wasn't on the card, which no doubt had been printed sometime around spring training.Contemplating that pitiful baseball card almost brought on another of my bouts of self-pity, but I headed it off with thoughts of Other People's Problems.Used to be, I'd bring to mind vague pictures of starving children in South America.
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