"I asked her if it made her happy to hurt my feelings and make me feel badabout myself."Of course not. No! I hate myself for saying the things I do, but OhGod, this is going to sound so awful." She paused to take a puff fromher cigarette. "The only way to explain it is to say there's some sickpart of me that gets turned on by feminizing and sissifying you."She grabbed my free hand and pulled it to her crotch. "Feel how wet Iam? Seeing you turn into a middle aged woman and shaming you about itturns me on. Is that sick or what? It's like I'm two different people. One of me is a mother who loves you more than you'll ever know, and theother part of me is a sexually perverted monster."I heard everything she said and I absorbed it but I was also absorbingthe wetness of her pussy."Is that why you told me I could get the sex change surgery tomorrow?" Iasked.Mom sniffed and wiped a tear from her eye while she nodded. "As yourmother," I think you should wait until you know for sure if. That'swhy I could feel that you're...well you." She took several deep breathsto steady herself and continued, "I have some things in my past... Somereally bad things that happened to me... I have a hard time trustinganyone, that's why it was difficult at first when you started comingaround. As much as I love Alicia, Jen, Holly, and Karen... I've nevertrusted them enough to tell them this, so I need you to promise me youwant tell a soul okay?"I could tell whatever it was that had happened was really horrible, and Ididn't want to force her to tell me what happened. I also knew fromfirsthand experience that holding everything in was extremely nothealthy, if she wanted to talk to me I'd listen. "I promise Robin, Iwon't ever tell a soul. You can trust me."She smiled a very genuine smile at me and simply said, "I know I can,that's why I offered to tell you. I want you to know why I was hard onyou, because trust me it wasn't you. Let's go inside where its roomierthan this old car of.
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