Actually I’d better start with that walk.The walk back to the bach hadn’t taken too long although both Mum and Tracey had distinct damp patches in their shorts from Gavin’s efforts to please them.‘Still I’m not complaining,’ Tracey thought. ‘I just feel so good ... and a little bit confused too, ’ she admitted to herself.Tracey would have been the first to admit that she was a little ‘boy mad’, despite the fact that she didn’t want a boyfriend ... well not one of the ones who occasionally thought they had a chance with her. She particularly didn’t liked Gavin’s ‘friend’ Benny and his frequent attempts to get her to go for a ride with him in his death-trap of a car. There were a few rumours going on about a couple of the girls having been coerced into sex by Benny and his ‘gang’ though nothing definite, just a word of warning from friends of friends. Tracey had asked Aroha about it, but her friend refused to even discuss the subject, simply mentioning the fact that Gavin had stepped. Being a bit drunk was no excuse for what I’d done; I almost justified it by telling myself that I was mad at Renaud. He had his chance and he blew it!In my mind, I wasn’t his sub or his slave - I still expected him to treat me as a normal girlfriend even if he did have some bizarre habits. I acted like a spoilt and stubborn young Polish girl.But I was also in awe of the way he could make me feel. His skills in the way he could make me cum with his hands, his mouth, his fingers. Add to that his experience, his stature in the village (he was a successful member of society) made him a fabulous prize for a young girl. I was still under the impression that I had won him and not that he had taken me as his own – foolish girl!For the next few nights, I avoided Renaud, pretending to be unwell but unwilling to face the truth; that I felt I had betrayed him. I was ashamed of my behaviour but at the same time I was mad at Him for not being there when I had given myself to Him. My self-imposed.
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