."„Frustriert?"„Ja, na ja, weil sie halt nicht so will wie Du." Birgit ist inzwischen tiefrot im Gesicht. „Im Bett, meine ich."Ich schlucke. Dass die beiden über vieles sprechen, ist mir ja klar. Schließlich erzählt mir meine Frau alles brühwarm weiter, was ihr Birgit unter dem Siegel der Vertraulichkeit anvertraute. Aber dass sie so intime Dinge besprachen? Richtig, ich war ein wenig frustriert. Ziemlich sogar. Mal ehrlich, drei Mal Sex im Jahr machen einen Mann nicht unbedingt glücklich. Klar muss meine Frau nicht jedes Mal die Beine breit machen, wenn ich Lust hatte, aber mal ehrlich: drei Mal im Jahr?„Darüber redet Ihr?" „Na ja, schon. Und ich kann da ja Deinen Frust gut verstehen. Sehr gut sogar. Und weil Du mir doch so viel geholfen hast, dachte ich, dass ich Dir .....", sie sucht mit tiefrotem Gesicht nach Worten, „... vielleicht ein wenig ..... helfe. Also .... dabei."Jetzt muss ich schlucken. Das ist jetzt ein Traum, oder? Wobei mir nicht klar ist, ob das ein guter oder ein. I wanted to obey. I wanted to submit myself to Him. Why was it so important that I give myself to a Master I had yet to meet? Sure, we had talked on the phone, skyped a few times, I had been through several training sessions via webcam, but never had I met Him. He said I must prove myself worthy and I failed when he asked me the question.I grew up in a very strict home environment. My fanatically religious family had driven me to question things and I no longer believed in God as in any religious figure but rather realized humans created the very essence of God by name and theory. Humans also took this power away from the word "God" and gave it back to mankind to do with it what they could or would. I don't remember when it started but I began to get pleasure from being humiliated by men and I wanted them to punish me but to love me, unlike my father, who beat me, but without love and always attached to why God wanted him to. I abhored this. I came to hate my father. His very smile.
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