But I’m actually old enough to be your mom. Is your mom as pretty as me?’.‘She died when I was four years old’.‘Oh my God! I’m so sorry. You pour thing’.Nana got very emotional about me not having a mom. She looked at me with such softness in her lovely brown eyes. Then she suddenly had her arms around me and hugged me very close and tight. It was a bit awkward but also very nice. Actually I was very comfortable in Nanas presence and company.Nana gave me a soft kiss on my forehead and whispered into my ears:‘I wish I could have been your mom. I would have loved that’. Then she straightened up, crossed her lovely legs and looked out in the room saying:‘Sorry, I’m just so old fashioned in many ways’.‘Don’t be sorry, I think you a wonderful person’.Different and strange feelings were running through me. Here I was sitting with this beautiful and sexy woman who was not a woman but maybe more woman than many real women. And I was getting aroused. I looked at her sexy crossed legs in. Gwyneth went over to the afterlife and came back. The grief came down in torrents, destroying whatever was left of his already brittle psyche. Fear. Fear. The fear of losing her was such a visceral reaction, he actually felt like retching. The nausea hit him hard, inciting a gurgle of dry heaves. He felt sick to the marrow. Then there was the guilt of knowing that this was all his fault. If only he had been more vigilant. If only he had possessed the foresight to anticipate this. If only they were prepared. If only he was less arrogant. If only she was protected. Safety deigned a price far beyond any fortune could have afforded, and he knew it. His only option now was to hope that his mistake wasn’t a fatal one. The teardrops mingled with the water on his face. There was no point in holding back now. Fear. Love. Grief. Guilt. All these years, he had thought that he was immune to this kind of crap. He’d prided himself on being the master of his feelings, displaying excellent control.
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