We made pleasant love. No marathon sex romps. There was no oral or anal for him but plenty of oral for me.So it was no great lust between us, and on my side no love crazed girl. I was not going to be ruled by my cunt or my heart. I loved him with my head and hoped all the rest would follow. I quickly saw that on his side he was totally in love, both with me and the idea of us. He was a man who was meant to be married, and he would be happiest in that state.The tone of his phone calls were very troubling. Something had happened. I hoped it was not some financial setback. I wanted to buy our first home, and I was set to start making a family. As soon as we closed the contract on the house, the birth control pills were history. It was a mutual choice to start a family, but be real, the final decision was mine.I had it figured out. We both worked from home. I put in long hours between editing others and writing my novel. Matt had more time to devote to raising children. He was a genius. She clung to me like that until her breathing returned to normal. "I'm so… so ashamed," she sobbed, looking up at me with watery eyes. "I'm so… so twisted." Why?" I asked as softly as I could, my eyes searching hers. "Because you feel pleasure and pain so intensely?" Yes! It's so twisted!" Then you are beautifully twisted," I agreed. "And I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are!"She smiled, then sighed, and pressed her face tighter against my chest. "You have a fetish. So what! You already know what most people will never discover–that pleasure and pain are two sides of the same coin. The thing is Rachel, I can't imagine you ever squandering a single instant by letting time go by unobserved and unappreciated." I'm not… some kind of freak?" Only if living your life to the fullest is freakish," I said."Thank you, Davey," she whispered. "I never thought of it like that. It's always been a shameful secret."I leaned over, put my mouth over hers, and kissed her into silence. Our.
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