The conversation at the table was limited, and the girls there weren’t flirting. I was happy to be able to simply eat in relative peace, though internally I was in turmoil.I wondered if Becky might be right. Maybe I could hide what had happened from Kara, Stephanie, and the rest. I knew I was a lousy liar, but if I put on a good outward face, I didn’t see how they could ever know. The problem with that was that the guilt would probably eat me up and over time, I’d start acting stupidly. Of course, once I confessed, everything would be thrown into total turmoil. I was basically screwed, no matter what I did.After dinner, I decided to just head back to my room and read beacuse I didn’t feel like having company. I stretched out on the bed with All the King’s Men and my notebook and started reading. I had a hard time concentrating because my mind kept going back to what had happened and the ramifications. I had probably lost Kara and Jennifer both, and Bethany would certainly never agree. "Kenny if you know what's good for you, you'll get the hell out of here, right now!" I said angrily"It's not Kenny." Mom said."Oh, sorry, Mom. What are you doing up? It's awful late." I said this and realized it was just, exactly, the wrong thing to say."Yes it is Pam, it's very late, almost 3:00AM. You do realize I don't sleep when you're out this late, don't you?" She said this in this tone she has that isn't preachy and isn't mean but makes you feel like you just stabbed her through the heart."Mom..." I started to say but she interrupted me."Pam, I'm very worried about you. You are so pretty and so bright and you can ruin your life with just one mistake. I do so hope you are being careful." Mom said. She sounded like she was close to crying.I SO did not want to have this kind of conversation with my mother. Especially since she was right. I had been out and screwed a boy and he didn't use protection. It wouldn't wreck HIS life if he knocked me up. Maybe I was partially to.
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