“Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me”, says an obviously embarrassed Mick, “but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.I took a bird back to mine for sex last night. After some complaints for the first five minutes like,”Stop, you’re too big!” And,”Please No, you’re really hurting me now!” The fat cow eventually rolled off me and let me go on top.As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, “Can you not just go out and have a couple of fucking drinks?”“Of course I can,” I replied, standing back up. “Just let me get my coat.When my precious little dog fell in the river Mersey, a German tourist jumped in the freezing water and saved him.Upon getting back on the pier, he checked my puppy out and said, “Ze dog is ok, he vill be fine.”Out of curiosity I asked, “Are you a vet?”He replied, “Vet? I’m fuken soaked!I have realised. . what you have done for me ... I can never express my adoration for you enough, my gratitude for this! I will praise and worship you forever! Thank you, my sweet Ian, my God, my Lord and Master! I am yours for eternity! Gladly! Proudly! I will serve you forever! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul! I will be proud of my new name ... Friends and lovers, I am Kalmiya, though I will also answer to Kerry, if that’s okay!” Kalmiya/Kerry told us with absolute adulation on her face, completely touched that I had turned her into an angel.“Yes, of course, you may answer to both! My sweet cherub, what’s done is done and I’m proud to claim you as mine forever! Plus, I’m going to love seeing your wings fly above your back as I fuck you hard from behind! You have a real pre-Raphaelite beauty to you, don’t you, when naked and winged like that, viewed from behind? Now, what about your two minions here? Shall they be become angels, too? I think that.
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