I felt miserable. Again, I had exposed myself to Risa, and now Anna and I felt raw.“But it isn’t just about the sex,” I continued on, “my father wanted a large family,” I paused as I reflected on my father and out talks, “He always told me that I had missed out by not having a baby sister. I cannot say that I understood what he meant by that,” I stopped again, looking down,”but I know it was important to him,”I felt a moment of emptiness. I fought back tears. I knew what I really wanted. Confessing it though was proving difficult.“So it isn’t just about sex, but about needing a family with lots of children,” I finished softly. That last revelation left me feeling even more awkward.“Oh Eric!” Risa exclaimed softly, she stood to sit beside me, her arms wrapping gently around me, “I am yours for as long as I can be,” she began. I felt my heart lurch, “But I cannot be yours forever,” and the crash was somehow a gentle landing, the regret in her voice soothing the ache. Maybe she really. ‘Yeah, let me finish first.’ I say wiping my ass and fingers. ‘Alright see you in a minute.’ he said. When I came back to class he was sitting there working on the problems, I took a breath and joined him. For the rest of the class we worked together completely forgetting all about earlier and the next thing I know he’s walking me back to my dorm room. My room was about a 15 minute walk from the campus so we did a lot of talking, both of us sharing our interests and having fun. Once we got to the room, my roommate was standing outside the door drinking some kinda alcoholic beverage. He stared hard at us when we stopped at the elevator entrance. ‘So what are you up too later on?’ Jamal asked. ‘I’ve got an English class at 4:30 to 7 but nothing planned afterwards.’ I say. ‘There’s a small party about to happen at the rec room on the other side of the school, if you want you come with me and we can hang out.’ he asked. I thought about it. ‘Yeah… okay. I guess you can come back here.
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