It was an integral part of our shared intimacy.What caused me though considerable trepidation was the change in Andrea's attitude towards sex with me. At times, she seemed to passively accept the sex. She enjoyed it but did not take any active role in it. At other times, she became aggressive and dominating, almost masculine in her behavior, forcing me into a completely feminine and passive role. It was always one extreme or the other. Intimacy and shared lovemaking seemed not to exist for her anymore. Because of the lack of intimacy and lack of tenderness involved, it was frustrating, and demeaning for me. Even though I cannot remember a strong decrease in the frequency, our sex life seemed minimal. It was there, but without emotion.My college estimate of three months had been wrong by about two years and three months. I'll never know the exact date of when she first disregarded her marriage vow of fidelity. All I'll ever know is how I found out.I will always remember that day. ”The man’s voice suddenly seemed a thousand miles away.Those three insignificant words had swatted me to the floor as if they were silver bullets.He had already known!!! What did he think of us, now??I was cheating him!Cheating him out of a daughter-in-law! Out of grandkids! Family reunions and birthday parties and ballgames and uncles and cousins! A whole branch of the family tree would never exist if Ryan and I were together.Ryan will never be able to truly continue this generation without a wife.I’d cheated him out of a son! A real son of his own flesh and blood to raise from birth and to teach sports and cheesy pickup lines and wrestle with.Out of a real daughter who would be his little girl to protect from the world and to love and to hold…No.It was me who wanted these things. These people. This family.I was losing these things.We sat to each other silently; me with horror painted on my face, and him, looking into the air and thinking God-knows-what about me….“Ben.”“Y-yes.
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