I felt like he could sense my caution and maybe even my pain, without telling him anything about my loss. His patience put me at ease. We’d mentioned getting together on Saturday afternoon for lunch. I made a few sandwiches and pasta salad, grabbed a bottle of wine and decided to walk over to his house and surprise him. ‘Hi’ He muttered after opening the front door. His hair was a bit disheveled and he was still in his pajamas. I looked down at my watch, it was almost noon. I assumed maybe he’d forgot our plans. ‘Are you ready for lunch?’ I asked, smiling. Knowing his answer, since we weren’t going anywhere with his state of attire. ‘Umm…’ I could see him searching for the right words. I stood on his porch, holding the picnic basket, waiting for an answer. He ran his fingers though his hair, looking down at his feet, then back up at me. ‘I can’t go today, I’m sorry Syd.’ I gave an understanding nod. Waiting for more of an explanation from him, but none came. He looked at me. Lori and I had been fuck buddies for a long time before she moved. It had never been suggested that I spend the night before. I guessed that because I had driven that far to see her that she assumed I would stay. I thought about how I hated to disappoint her as the hot water in the shower washed over me. This all seemed a bit out of place for us. I was getting the feeling she might be wanting more than sex but then it dawned on me. She wasn’t really acting the way I was used to. The way she took control in the parking lot earlier and by getting the room ahead of time. She wasn’t one for organization, detail or control. It didn’t make sense. Maybe she had been feeling a lack of control a sense of chaos or just loneliness since she moved. It was at that moment that I began to feel like a total asshole because I had realized that I had never spent any real time considering her feelings before. What the fuck was going on here? I turned off the shower and quickly wrapped a towel around my.
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