I started spending more time apart, at my desk and developing networks, and it wasn’t long before we drifted apart. Post heartbreak, work was my rehab, and I didn’t shy away from an odd one-night stand. What a glorious time to be a practicing feminist! Yet, something was missing. I ached for more, from my life, my work. The adventure began with relocating to London, to study and make new friends, to learn and make mistakes...but to explore sexuality was nowhere in the plot. I was introduced to a free-spirited Balkan dancer at an English pub at Islington. We got on famously, and among other things, discussed The English Patient. We flirted, and next thing I recall was saying yes to: ‘Can we meet for coffee?’.In the book of life, is there a chapter on chemistry between two same-sex people, and how does one decode it? I was trailing breadcrumbs—started with rummaging through memories of my past. As a 12-year-old, was my attraction to my best friend’s mother (who looked like Brooke. I wasn't about to ask my dad to take me back in and I certainly wasn't about to ask my mom for any favors. But he was there, willing to let me live with him. It's amazing how one night can drastically change the path in life. At first, I thought it would be a good idea to live with him. After that night I was beginning to develop deeper feelings for him – more than just sexual desire. But as the weeks progressed, it was clear that he didn't want an openly intimate relationship. He just wanted sex, and since we weren't technically going steady, he actively pursued other partners. I fell out of love with a man that loved me and I was falling in love with a man that doesn't. Or maybe he does? As I gazed mindlessly at the silent flame, there was a flicker of hope that he would eventually expose the feelings that he's hidden from me. Why would he keep me around? Why else would he kiss me before bed each night? Why would he take me out to breakfast or dinner some days? What other.
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