" I did all right," the drunk says with a smile."Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door."Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya"."Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery." Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" Well, Brenda, no; in fact, he got out three times to. But I had.I sighed, feeling for the first time a bubble of depression atmy new state. I saw myself in my minds eye how they saw me. Theconcealed sneers of disgust. Thank God I'm not that fat. Theprivate smiles. At least my glasses aren't that thick.I drew my handbag closer and buried my face in my notes.It was stupid to take any notice. This was who I wanted to befor now. I'd spent months of effort getting to this state. Ishouldn't feel ashamed of myself. And I could return to myformer beauty whenever I wanted. This fat nobody they wereseeing wasn't the real me. Beneath the bulges I was still asgorgeous as ever.All it would take to return to my former persona would be a wordwith my double. She was probably feeling way out of her depth. * * * THE ORIGINAL MELISSAHow many people told me I was looking better than I ever had?I smiled at them all, swallowing what seemed like never endingpraise from all around me.It was unnerving at first.
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