Mirrors play an important part in my life. Not vanity: just good old-fashioned female insecurity. (Well now Rachel. What goes through your troubled little mind as you sit shivering by the Looking Glass?) Just the usual really. Should I get my hair cut? Are my tits too wee? Did Gavin switch the immersion on? I mustve sat here for well over two hours/ chain smoking (I honestly really am going to stop after this packet)/ twisting strands of black hair round yellow-stained fingers/ listening to Patti Smith through those annoying wee grey walkman earphones and allowing my thoughts to return once more to Byron. The first man I ever fucked. Probably the only man I ever really loved. It gives me a dark feeling to think about Byron while Gavin lies sleeping in the same room. An adulterous fantasy. Forbidden. *** (THE FIRST TIME) Two weeks after Sharons party. Mum was working late at the hospital and Byron and I were drinking dry cider and talking and listening to Bob Marley. After a while. Pantless, she was attired in only an oversized sweatshirt that dropped off her shoulders and barely hid her panties and nothing else down to her sock-covered feet. She gave the hem of her top a discrete tug.“Vasily, a pleasure as usual,” the man said (Carie was pretty sure that was a lie). He shook his hand, “I’ll come by on the weekend and… urk!”The man squirmed, his knees buckling and his face wincing. His hand --ensnared by Vasily’s paw-- appeared to be in duress with the tips of the fingers quickly turning purple.“Bye, Wendel,” Vasily grunted his trademark farewell-slash-threat salutation. He gave him a firm shake, jerking Wendel’s shoulder downward, nearly yanking his arm out of the socket.Carie rolled her eyes. Her neighbour had the delicate touch of a rhino wielding a jackhammer. “Bye,” Wendel squeaked. He nodded towards Carie, then quickly scurried down the hall, his arm hanging limp. “Funny, I never would picture you associating with a man named ‘Wendel’,” she remarked as.
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