Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.Your EX-Wife.Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!REPLY:Dear Ex-wife, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore.I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment ... and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven’t eaten prawns for 7 years.About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was still on it, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300. ‘I mean … it’s OK for Dougie. He doesn’t actually have to do anything. OK, so he schmoozes. But he doesn’t have to get up there on the stage night after night. I need a break. I need a day off.’ Daniel nodded. ‘Can you do that?’ Could she? Suzanne tried to think through the implications of not performing, of taking a night off, of getting some rest, of getting her head back into a sensible space. Daniel retrieved the untouched mug of tea from the bedside table and handed it to her. ‘Oh. Thanks,’ she said. ‘What about some breakfast? You can’t make big decisions on an empty stomach. I can make you that bacon butty that I promised.’ ‘That would be nice,’ Suzanne said. ‘Yes. Thank you.’ Daniel’s idea of a bacon butty was rather more elaborate than Suzanne was used to. He started by thinly slicing some mushrooms and sautéing them in a little butter with some black pepper and a couple of sprigs of fresh thyme. While the mushrooms cooked, he grilled several rashers of bacon, and lightly.
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