“I do want to ask you about something. We had a rip-roaring debate about Calvinism, with you defending all five points. But you’re an unrepentant sinner. Doesn’t that mean that you’re going to Hell? You’re not demonstrating that you’re one of the Elect!”“Haven’t you heard of the Devil’s Advocate?” she giggled. “I was taught all of that crap but I don’t buy it for one second!”I chuckled, “That’s a relief. What DO you believe?”“That all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I’m weak. It’s a constant struggle against the flesh. And the flesh wins because it feels so good! In fact, it feels better than I imagined!”“I’m sorry, but you’ve lost me. Are you saved?” I asked.“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved. I do believe, therefore I am saved. Peter sinned and yet Christ built the church on his confession of faith. What about you?”“It’s not something I really worry about. I don’t play by anyone’s rules except my own. I do what I think is right and try to. As much love-making as Jen could possibly want, as many long walks and deep conversations as Fiona desired, if only they'd wake, and come back to him. He probably sounded like a pervert, but didn't care.On one level, he was aware just how pitiful, how pathetic and melodramatic he must sound to the nurses and others present, bargaining with higher powers for the lives of his lovers, begging them to come back to him, but on the other, he was simply apathetic to outsiders. Jahn wasn't sure he believed in any god, didn't know if recovery really meant a miracle, but he would do anything, be anyone he needed do, be as good a person as he needed to be, if only to ensure they came back to him from whatever purgatory they were now in. Religious dogma, hell. He'd be righteous.Burdened with a heavy heart, but no longer the weight of two worlds, he left with Mary the next day, pronounced healthy by his doctor, given all the proper counseling and discharged. Assurances were made that he could.
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