I got the bags from Best Buy and pulled out the laptops for her and Cheryl. They were both excited to have new ones and I divided up the extras that I’d bought them to round out the package.“You didn’t have to do that,” Cheryl told me. “You spent too much on me today anyway.”Gina was loud in her agreement too. “My laptop was just fine,” she protested.I shrugged dismissively. “Then once we get all your files off it and get it cleaned up, Hector can have it. I bet he could use one for school and doesn’t particularly need something top of the line right now.”“And what about my old one?” Cheryl asked.“Do we know someone at school that’s been getting by without one?” I asked. “Maybe one of the girls?”“I do,” Beck said. “Her family is making due with an old desktop.”Cheryl looked a little more relaxed at that, but still anxious.“If it makes you feel any better, I picked up some games just for me,” I told her.She sighed and nodded, giving in. “Alright, but only because Lana and Beck swore. * you mumble. *No husband?* Shaking your head: *Ive got a boyfriend but were not getting on too great.* Maria stops and looks at you/ lips curling into a sneer. *Men are no good. You dont need a man Rachel. They are shits. BIG SHITS.* She spits this out with the bitterness of too much experience. *Do you have a husband?* you ask. The question seems somehow comical once the words have left your mouth. You cough/ feeling strangely uncomfortable. Something about the way Maria is staring at you. *** CUT-UP no 32: PRIMITIVE TREES Imagine the scuzz. Pissing mud for dead flecks wriggling. Hard-on canvas ate primitive trees. *** (CRUMPLED) This has been a terrible day. I know Ive secretly wanted it to happen for a long time – I convinced myself that freedom would bring me happiness – but it has only brought me more pain. I just dont think I can face the prospect of being alone again. What hurts most is that I couldnt see this coming. I wasnt prepared. Todays despair arrived like a vicious.
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