But, I didn’t, so that night we went on our first date.The list has grown, that’s the problem. I shudder when I come from fucking her doggy style, or when shes on her side, ass tilted in my hands, it’s the most intense shudder ever, but it happens because of the way I have to pull her back onto me, the force I need to exert over the situation and the begrudged permission for it that she gives. That’s the shudder. I’ve tried to get her to stick her cunt at me from behind, but she can’t quite get the back arch down. Now that she’s been doing yoga I’d bet that’s different. I’d love to see that. But, that gives so much consent in posture. The way she holds it from me, accessible, but only with effort. I have to force past a layer of defense to enter her deeply enough to come, and that makes me come harder. At one point road head was on that list and she performed splendidly. I think of the first times she took come in her mouth every time I do it. She chokes when it hits her throat. I. “You know why we divorced, Carmen. You cheated, I had a revenge fling, you got angry and kicked me out, then you tried to delay the divorce with counseling, and I was pretty pissed, so I simply sat in stony silence through every session. Used them all up until we were done. I didn’t believe the bullshit coming from your mouth back then and I doubt that I would now, either.“Somehow, your cheating was supposed to be a special case because ... it was romantic and was with an ex? Somehow, you doing it with an ex would be exempt, but not me fooling around because, what, feelings? It simply made no sense, and I did say that much, as I recall,” I reminded Carmen, who shrugged and laughed awkwardly now.“Well, I have a thing for exes. I’m sorry. I just do. Even now, looking at you, I have a strong urge just to climb up on the table and let you fuck me on top of our food. Or ride you in your chair. Exes bring excitement and danger with just enough of the known and comfort and security of a past.
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