Maybe it's because I'm a little older and I've gone through that phase in my life but I want making love to mean more than just horizontal exercise." I sure sound like some bible thumping preacher, I thought."My, aren't you the prude all of a sudden?" Becky was insulted; I could hear it in her voice. "You didn't seem to mind my life style Friday night, now did you?" I'm sorry; I know I sound like a sanctimonious jerk. I don't mean to criticize you; it's your choice on how you live your life. There is nothing wrong with you or your life style; it's just wrong for me." I gave her a little hug and started to walk away; I had to get to work."Maybe we could have a little fun?" Becky had stepped in front of me."Why this sudden interest in me? I know we had a good time Friday but according to what you said, it was not that big of a deal to you. So why this full court press?" I enjoyed our night together but more than that you're a good person. I haven't been involved with too many good. “Cam, I don’t want to go!” Jamie sounded distant. He reached out to touch me, but his hand slipped right through my body. He was nothing more than a slight glow. “I love you!” I cried, even though I couldn’t see him at all. I knew he was still there, if only for a second more. “I love you, too.” It was a far off whisper, barely discernable in the air. And then there was nothing. ** The late November rain was chilly and penetrating. It seemed to seep through all my layers of clothes, right to my already too cold skin. It seemed impossible these days to get warm enough. I was trudging to work on a regular Tuesday. I felt dark and gloomy. I had felt dark and gloomy every single day since he had left. Every day when I woke up, I thought maybe today. Maybe today I’ll feel better. Maybe today I won’t miss him so much that my chest aches. Maybe this will be the day it’ll all be okay. So far that day hadn’t come. Obviously three weeks wasn’t going to cut it. I felt barely alive. I went to.
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