But I thought maybe I could cope if I asked about theyoung Josh. But I didn't really know the best way to phrase thequestion. I couldn't imagine how feeling transgendered would feel for ayoung boy."What did you do, what were you able to do, when you were young? Tohelp you cope. Feeling like you did, you must have tried or donesomething."There was a long silence, during which I sensed, but could not see,that Josh was staring at the ceiling, tears still flowing gently downhis cheeks. I heard him breathing and appear to struggle to speak. Ididn't speak again, I just waited for his response. Eventually hemanaged to talk to me again, although I could hear he was now cryingstrongly."I suppose I'd have been about twelve before I tried anything. I usedto watch gran go through her beauty routine. I would make conversationabout anything at all, but all the time I'd really just want to see hermake herself look pretty, and to observe and learn how she did it. Ijust loved watching and I suppose I. ... me frm starting was very likely to kiddish me always remain at home .not to go any where else than in my street. in mid of june when our holidays were going on my parents were with at home ,i asked them about there relationship .they bit were not happy with each other . so even i was having some doubt abt their relationship............ still leaving this apart my mom was upset frm me as i was always fighting with her..... so one day she told instead of me she would have been happy if she was having a daughter ....... that point made in my mind what is so special in girls. SO one day my mom was not at my home and i was totally alone at my home and i went to my mom's room and locked the room and i removed all my clothes and started wearins mom's bra and panties(laungurie)even after tht i went to shoes drawer i wore moms flat shoes which were really pretty and wht i saw that i was lookin as a real girl in the mirror if at tht time my way of tlking changes........ as it was time of.
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