St Patrick’s of Ballytorr is frustratingly like every other church I’ve encountered. Happy to appear all trendy and informative with their online presence and fancy websites, they persistently buck convention and simply don’t bother with street numbers in their contact details. Not a one. They must assume anyone who needs to will just find them, their feet and cars driven by the power of prayer. Being a total stranger to the town i’ve no idea how long or short Cushdun Road is. The giant number 50 on my neighbours wheelie bin, empty and carelessly abandoned on the shared driveway in front of me, is as good a number as any. I can just hope for a conveniently ostentatious spire I can spot for miles. Just one risky three point turn, and a wonky reverse manoeuvre when I overshot the entrance, and I’ve made it, just as the priest is parading up the aisle with his posse of mini priest minions behind him. Or altar boys. Altar children? Even the Catholic church is not immune to the. “Thank YOU”, she replied as she got off me and kissed me on the cheek. “You and your father have very different cocks but they both are so satisfying”, she continued. Don’t you have a football match this morning”, she enquired, something which had completely slipped my memory. I made my apologies as I leapt out of bed, got dressed, collected my kit and headed off to school to play for the school team. I arrived just in time and was greeted by “My, you look shagged out!”, to which I replied, “Sure am”. My mate smiled as if to say “oh yeah”, and I smiled to myself “If only you knew the truth.”I got home at lunchtime and the afternoon and early evening were spent visiting dad. He seemed a lot better but was still looking to be in for another week. I went out with friends at night, arriving back home just as mom was going to bed. “Are you coming up”, she asked, to which I replied, ”in five minutes”. Mom was already in bed as I made my way into the bedroom and already half asleep. I.
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