With them, I learned to avoid nasty, ungratifying sex by never forcing myself uninvited onto a woman, never to fuck in anger, and never allowing myself to be humiliated by a grudgingly given charity-fuck with a disinterested partner. Such sex was not only not worth having, it was an evil that destroys joy, together with one's self-worth and all loving respect and lasting desire for one’s partner.The women I met taught me that for good sex, the desire had to be mutual and strong. It was as much about the joy and ecstasy of giving pleasure as it was about being pleasured. Good sex was a dance beyond what a dance could be. It was the ultimate, shared, life-affirming celebration of ourselves through our now desired and desirable bodies. These women and I made love, explored, adventured, crossed boundaries. We laughed at and ignored the prissy folks that disapproved. Some things stopped us from considering a permanent relationship. As far as our sexual one was concerned, our difference in. Tears were starting to fill my eyes. Jeff I have been sleeping with someone else, I said. Jeffs expression stayed the same at first. But his eyebrows lowered and I could tell he was starting to get angry. I sat and watched his expressions change, saying nothing and hoping he wasnt going to lose his mind. I wanted desperately for everyone to stay calm and talk through this. Why have you been doing that he said, with his voice cracking. I grabbed Jeffs hand. Jeff I love you so much, but I have always lived my life the way everyone thinks I should live it, I said as I got up and started walking around the table. I needed the movement. It steadied my nerves as I continued. It started off as just innocent flirting, and he kept pressing. I finally gave in and I slept with him, and I felt so guilty, I said, stopping next to Jeff. But I enjoyed so much being a bad girl for the first time in my life. I never had a secret and I really enjoyed having a secret. I started breaking it off, I felt.
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