Dammit!"I was stunned by her words. Apparently, she'd been watching me having sex with my girlfriends, from her window, all these years. And it had turned her on, so much so, that she'd have to frig herself to sleep, on those nights."Listen, I get off work at 5:00am today. Are you still gonna be up?" she asked, fully knowing of my nocturnal habits. I hadn't slept at night for 15 years."Probably," I said. "Why?" There's something I want to give you," was all she said, as another customer came into the store.I left, after saying, G'nite and drove home, forgetting about her "something" for me.At 5:45am there was a soft knock at my door. It was Amber. She was still wearing her work clothes. She came in whispering something about not wanting her folks to know she was there, would I please not tell them she was there, or something like that. When I tried to ask her why the sudden need for secrecy, she put her index and middle fingers in my mouth and asked me to be quiet and taste her. .. is that happy crying?" Yes, dummy!" I reply, surprised and teary, "You think I wanted the world to end?!" I don't know," she says, so softly, looking into my eyes with such sadness. "Didn't you?"I just stare at her. Of course I didn't! And yet... this life, this world... it has been my Hell for so long. Somewhere deep inside, maybe I did want it all to just end. I've tried to hide my pain from my friends, but they know. They've always known. And Dawn most of all. She thought I didn't want her. And all along she was the only thing I did want."Dawn..." I whisper, "I'm so sorry... I'm sorry..." I rise and take this amazing creature into my arms. She needs so much love. And somehow, after everything that's happened, I still have so much love to give.I denied it from the very start. Wouldn't let myself think it. Eventually I couldn't deny it, and I blamed myself. Then I blamed the monks, for making me feel this way. And then, when the end came, and Glory took my Dawn away, it was as.
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