There we lay, together: me naked from the waist up, her essentially naked from the waist down. My heart was racing faster and harder than ever. My breathing was long and deep, trying vainly to calm myself down. I was overheating myself, trying to radiate out the warm apprehension I was feeling. In my pants, there was a raging beast, fighting angrily against the chains that bound him.I couldn’t release him – not yet. Not unless I knew – for absolute certain – that that was what she wanted.“Carter?”“Hm?”“You’re not uncomfortable with this, are you?”“No,” I half-lied, trying to keep a straight face and my voice flat. It wasn’t completely false; it’s not that I was uncomfortable, just apprehensive. I knew she could see right through me, though. There we were; Jennifer’s body pressed so close to mine, my arm around her abdomen, her arm atop mine. There was no way she wouldn’t be able to feel the tenseness I was feeling.Without speaking further, she took my hand in hers and led it. ?Come on, let’s not make it hard. Hey?? Good cop and bad cop all in one, me. Hands shaking, he undid the metal clasp, and pulled the watch over one long, lean hand with the other. He offered it to me, and I accepted. I pointed to the ring of slightly paler skin on his left forearm. ?Look, a watch line.?He was past caring. One of my guests once asked me whether I cared about the boys I processed here, and the answer was an unequivocal yes. I am with them for, typically, five weeks before the end. There is a bond. Most of them need to talk, to try and understand, and I am happy to be part of that. Even the solid, near-silent ones capture my heart with their deep masculinity and courage.Sometimes, the harder the initial ‘breaking down’ process, the deeper the ultimate bond becomes. I think of that as Chris, at my instruction, raises the bed platform to the wall and secures it with the chains designed for that purpose. As he bends fore and aft, lifting the wooden slatted platform, his.
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