“I’d have wanted to,” he said. “But no. I can’t do that any more.”She went weak in his arms, but stiffened again immediately.“Thank goodness,” she breathed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when I come back.”“You’ll meet some handsome guy up there in the city,” he said. “He’ll want you as much as I do.”“But will I want him?” she asked, her face buried in his chest.“Time will tell,” he said. “You have to want that to happen. Don’t waste as much time as I did.”She looked up at him. “You didn’t waste your time,” she said. “You made my sisters very happy.”“I almost ruined everything,” he said, his face serious. “And if I got you pregnant, it may still ruin things.”“I don’t think you did,” she said.“Connie said you wanted me to get you pregnant.” His face was serious.“I was just talking,” she said. “It doesn’t matter now. I have to study hard, and that’s more important.”“I agree,” he said.“I love you,” said the sister he had been worried would never say that to him.“I love you too.”“I. It wasso much like what...we used to do that I..." Mom," I said stopping her, "I know what happened! But you have to getpast all that and let me be myself! I know that you miss Sam, we alldo, but she's gone and I'm not!" I sat back looking at her. "Mom, Billstopped by. He told me that some of the girls from the girls club wantto talk to me, the girl me! But what do I tell them? If I talk to them,they'll expect to see a girl named Kelly more often, right? So, if Idecide to do it, dress like a girl again I mean, outside of this house,will you help me? I'm not Samantha, so I don't know everything she knewabout being a girl! I need you to help me mom, but I need to you tohelp me be myself, not someone you want me to be. Sam is gone, but I'mhere, and I need you more now than she ever did!" Mom started crying,sobbing really, and as I went to her she jumped up and let me simplyhold her. Her sobbing slowed down a little, and as I held her..."mom,I'm not even sure that I like dressing as a.
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