It was tough, butby Wednesday, I was ready to go back on the job with Emily. She was asrepulsed by our weird weekend as I was, and gave me the cold shoulder byrefusing to sit on mine as we went back on the job."Look, Emily, I --" I tried to reassure her."SHUT UP!" she bellowed as loudly as possible. "I just spent the lasttwo days in an extended orgy with you as a dirty stinky pig, and defiledmyself in the process. Pixies are supposed to be chaste and clean, youknow." I know exactly how you feel," I reminded her. "I didn't enjoy gettingraped by a total stranger, and my wife isn't going to be pleased that Imessed around with my co-worker, either. But I'm not upset at you. It'snot your fault. It's not my fault, either. Unfortunate things like thatordeal are one of the risks that come with the Patrol. If I got upsetevery time I had sex with someone else while transformed, I wouldn't haveagreed to pose as the lure. And besides, it was our Chauvinist PigRapist who raped me,. Good times." So what happened?"The Amazing Bartleby shrugged his small wooden shoulders. "The usual. There was a misunderstanding, some other gods who couldn't take a joke got mad, and..." The puppet made a twirling motion with his gloved hands. "Boom. Ala-kazam-presto, I got trapped inside a wooden idol. Trapped for all eternity, said my divine brothers, as they imprisoned me." I see." Tejal pushed her digital recorder a little closer to the wooden marionette. "You don't seem particularly trapped anymore, though." Oh, that's all thanks to that bumbling dipshit over there," the Amazing Bartleby replied, jerking a gloved thumb over towards the slumped and semi-comatose Benedict. "The sad, stupid twit didn't mean to do it, but he did. Bless his heart. He freed me. His loss, my gain. Although..." The puppet scratched his wooden chin musingly. "Although I guess it's hard to say it's his loss. Not when he gets to pork as many good-looking broads as he does, anyway." Hmm," Tejal said,.
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