All colour, all music were snatched from my life when my children kicked me to the curb.I did have the home videos that the three of you left behind when you moved out and I had them converted to DVD and kept playing them for 10 long years. During the last days of your mother's cheating I had put a tap on the phone and I had hours of recordings of you, my children, talking to their friends, these were the only sounds that played in the house. When I heard your voices I was able to pretend for a moment that you were still around.I know you must be thinking what pathetic loser lives his life like that. My answer is no one lives like that and neither did I. I died the day I found the gifts l sent to Sue left at my doorsteps. I have been existing but only because I was too weak to take my own life. I know this letter will give you many sleepless nights but really, you were just kids who did not know better. Don't beat yourself over it.I have lived through many nights when I would think. “Sarah to Alan, you there?”There was a pause, then: “Alan, I’m with some guys from the Patrol, they need to see you so we’re coming over to the control tent.”Pause. “Okay.”She tuned to the patrol leader. “Alan’ll be about fifteen minutes. He’s out on the course but he’ll get back here as fast as he safely can.”“Section leader?”Rudy turned. “Jer, what?”“I was just telling Sarah here that my Nan died in the hospice they’re raising funds for. Do you mind if I head over and maybe put some money in their collecting box?” He glanced at Sarah. “I guess you do have something like that?”She nodded and smiled at him. “You’ll probably find something over by the finish line. Or just go and buy some food from one of the catering vans. They’re all run by us so we get all the profit.”The section leader looked at him and nodded. “Take Jack with you. Get him properly educated on what a hospice is.” He pointed to a van with a tent next to it. “That looks like it might be a good place to start.”The two.
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