‘Why do your farts smell so good?’ ‘Well, Amanda,’ he said, ‘you just need to know that they are perfect farts. And they bring you complete happiness.’ ‘They do,’ she said. Her eyes darted up urgently. ‘Can I have another?’ Mark laughed. ‘You want to sniff another of my farts, Amanda?’ She nodded fiercely. He shook his head in amusement. ‘That’s so funny. Did you ever even know you were such a fart freak?’ Amanda hadn’t known that. Five minutes ago, she would have been disgusted by this scenario. But none of that mattered anymore. Nothing mattered except more of Mark’s farts. She shook her head. The good feeling was starting to ebb, replaced with pressing desire. ‘I guess it just must be that I’m so amazing,’ Mark continued. ‘I’m so great that even my farts are like a treasure to you.’ Yes, yes. Amanda nodded harder. ‘They are,’ she said. ‘Your farts are perfect, and you’re amazing, Mark.’ Wait. What the hell was she saying? Through the clouds in her mind, she knew this wasn’t right.. I never got a chance to say another word. June was calling me all names under the sun. According to June, I was every kind of lowlife I've ever heard of. According to June, I was the Don Juan of the Coach World. I had bedded every courier on the firm and probably most of our female passengers as well! Then she hung-up. If the note that Elaine had left hadn't already put me in shock, the tirade I got from June would have! I called back again, but all I got was "fuck off, Roy!" shouted at me.I was convinced Elaine was there so I just kept on calling back. In the end, June's husband, Eric, answered the phone."Look, Roy, it's nearly one in the morning. You might be used to staying awake all night but some people go to bed to sleep! After the way you have behaved, there is no way June is going to talk to you so please let me get some sleep!"Then Eric hung-up. He must have unplugged the phone because I got a number unobtainable tone when I tried to call again. I was convinced Elaine must.
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