Lois got splattered, too, but she could -- and did -- handle it. Ed, on the other hand, was ruined in his own mind... He called her, from jail; they spoke for quite a while, Ed spending the time blaming himself for the mess they were in and Lois trying to keep him above water. But the telephone didn't cuddle him and he was too far gone -- and nobody realized that he was a suicide risk... It was absolutely horrible. Lois got transfixed in the media spotlight; her father, blaming Arlene for shielding her and keeping him in the dark, moved out. And Ed, her friend and lover, was dead, hung in his cell from a twisted bedsheet. Lois wasn't even allowed to go to the funeral; the family blamed her, not realizing that she'd been his only grip on sanity. It was too easy to blame the 'pervert'... Lois moved out; eventually, her dad came home, once she was gone... College was four states away. Lois kept her head down and worked hard outside school to pay for her tuition and living expenses --. .". "You did not scar me or give me demons. You opened my eyes and I told my mom all that happened."I can dream, eh?So, here we were in North Tonawanda. I suddenly wanted to write to a friend or two in Springfield.I went looking for my sheet of paper. I knew I had kept it in one certain place. And it was not there.Oh, no. No. It could not be.Mom could not remember if she put it some place else or if I had even packed it for our move.Well, wait a minute. I knew I had seen it shortly after arriving. It had to be in this house. It was not left behind.I never did find it. And at one point I know I vowed to myself to find a real hiding place to keep anything that I valued. I did not want anyone. Anyone. To be able to discard any of my life in a whim.I know I was sad about this. I tried to remember if I had really looked at that page. Sometimes I could look at a page and it was like taking a photograph. I could see the names and numbers. But it was a glance. It wasn't a full stare at it.
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