I took that thought to the kitchen and made coffee, my penis comfortably thick. Why was I resisting what I really wanted? I was sure sex with Rachael would be an experience like no other. My first lover had been seventeen, well developed, and not a virgin. I’d never had sex with a virgin. How different is it?Being honest, I loved the prospect of sex with a fourteen-year-old, too; especially one blossoming so wondrously. My penis thickened even more.Serving myself, I sat at the kitchen table and pondered my attitude. Kissing and hugging is one thing. Sexual intimacy is a major, irreversible step. I wouldn’t regret it, but Rachael was young, still immature, and she might regret it no matter what she says now.And then there was my daughter. If Cara discovered her daughter in a sexual relationship with me, God knows what Hell would result. Cara was still cool towards me, still distanced. The relationship, after almost twenty years, was just beginning to thaw.But, damn! I really liked. Admit that you're worth it. Admit thatyou can just be a girl. This has been happening for years and years. It'stime for you to at least talk about it. Maybe you should transition?"She grabbed me and hugged me really hard and both of us looked into themirror. "Okay I said." You have to because I promise you the road isn't easy. But if you lookdeep down and you know that you're worth it."I looked at my feet and then up at her."I used to feel like I'd only do this if I had a guaranteed outcome, likeif it were a magic ring or bodysuit I could just slip into and never comeout of," I said. "I wish I could just push a button and be a girl." Listen," she said. "Something to remember is that if you are a women, itdoesn't take transition for you to be a woman: you already are. A womanis not defined by what's between her legs. You aren't defined by what'sbetween your legs. The world puts a lot of pressure on people to be whothe world wants them to be. Sometimes people are given an identity.
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