Try it. It’s only us. It will really help you.’ He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and took it off. Then he just sat there. ‘Come on, now the pants.’ I said. He shook his head no. ‘Come on,’ I said, ‘it’s just hard the first time.’ Little did I know how right I was. After ten minutes of coaxing he finally unfastened his zipper and wriggled out of his pants. I glanced down and saw a huge bulge in his underwear. He saw me stare, turned scarlet red and covered it up with his hands. ‘Are you embarrassed?’ I asked him, ‘We’re you afraid to take your pants off because you had an erection?’ ‘Yes,’ he whispered, ‘I was taught that except for procreation, it is a sin to show any any desire. I can’t help it.’ ‘It’s not a sin’ I told him, ‘God gave us the ability to procreate. He works in mysterious ways. He helps and guides us in our actions. It’s natural. Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll go down by itself.’ Unhappily, he nodded yes. ‘I always fear spilling my seed on the ground,’ he told me, ‘that is. My heart leapt into my throat. “You can’t blame yourself for that.” “Oh yes I can,” he said. I darted in front of him. “Well you shouldn’t.” The moonlight fell on his face in such a way that his eyes were in shadow, and all I could see were two tiny white reflections. “Let me go,” he said, stepping round me. I turned and watched his back as he walked away down the path. “Where are you going?” “I don’t want to go on like this.” I hurried after him and grabbed his arm. “No! Don’t.” “Why not?” “Because! She wouldn’t have wanted that, would she?” “She doesn’t want anything now.” He pulled his arm free and carried on. I got in front of him, barring his way. “Okay!” I said. “So you feel bad. That’s normal. Get drunk, get laid, get in a fight and get arrested, whatever, but don’t kill yourself.” He made to push past me again and I grabbed his shoulders and kissed him. I don’t know what made me do it. Desperation, maybe. Insanity was also a possibility. He froze for a moment and then.
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