For the first time in this whole ordeal, I thought about how I was always very attracted to women, and never really thought about doing anything “gay”. And now, all of a sudden, I was a little bitch for this old Black man. I did all of the things I needed to do around the house, so that I could leave quickly when Carl arrived. I didn't want anyone being suspicious, and wanted to leave in a hurry. My parents had gone to some friend’s house, and I noticed my mother’s shoe collection, piled in the closet. She was a secretary and always wore high heels. I tried a pair on, and they fit pretty well. So, I looked through the pile and found an older pair of open toed ones with ankle straps that she never wore, and stole them. If I was going to be Carl’s “girl” I may as well go all out. I was fighting with myself internally about why I was so afraid, and yet so eager. Carl got there right on time and I ran to his car as fast as I could. “Excited to see me?” he asked. I nodded. Actually I. Granted there were only two guys, but they did not know how to hold me like my granddaddy knew how. They only wanted one thing and well, even though my granddaddy was alone, so was I, so I did share myself with those guys on more than one occasion. I had too. I had needs. But I knew my granddaddy would understand. I also knew that my needs would truly be satisfied when I got home and I was in the arms of my granddaddy.Finally, I turned off the interstate and down the road that would take me home. I started to get anxious as I kept going because I knew I was closer to my family and my granddaddy. My first stop, of course, would be home to see my family. I would spend some time with them and my little sister. I knew I would have to tell them how my studies went and what I had been doing and such. Once the evening came, after I had supper, my actual day would get better. I would go see my granddaddy. As I pulled in behind my granddaddy’s car, I could not help but think about tonight. I.
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