The confinement would be a challenge for any lover.”“I’m afraid it’s more than that,” I said. “I am doubting myself. I find it hard to see worth as a lover.”“Oh, Ashley! Oak Leaf will embrace you and bring healing when this is done.”“I wonder whether I can find healing at Oak Leaf.” As doubt had grown, my confidence as a noble decreased. I feared I would see shadows of Stone and Lucinda every time I contemplated accepting vulnerability rather than a noble’s poise. Yet I could not be myself without that vulnerability.I didn’t want to dwell too deeply on the future. Doubt is dangerous for a lover. It is easy for doubt to spiral out of control. Then at the first weakness in a boundary, the shadows reach us when we cannot defend ourselves.“We are here for you. I am here for you. You are loved.” she said. Morgan nodded emphatically.I smiled weakly.Lady Elizabeth, Lord Morgan and Lady Michele all offered themselves to help me. As time dragged on, my body continued to perform physically.. I turned back towards thefuture and slowly noticed something else. The further I traveled towardsmy present the more scared my past selfs became. I knew part of the reasontoo. They had explored the future past my present. Had seen what laybeyond and it frightened them. With dread, I stepped past my own time andlooked in the future.Myself from the next month was deep into grieving the loss of our parents.Car accident. A tragedy. While this revelation shocked me I knew it hadn'thappened yet. Maybe when it was the time I could change it. First I had toexplore the rest of my future. I had to know what scared the many pastversions of myself.What I found was disheartening. The downward spiral continued and I sawmyself stuck in my current job for decades. This meaningless job became mysole anchor to the world. My social life dried out and slowly I saw myselfbecome bitter and resentful. Hating the world and the people in it, aswell as my past self.It was no wonder it scared the ones of me.
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