For the second time in a day I am shocked to see my Mom lying down stark naked. I avert my eyes. She says, "Oh, just come over here, I need you to rub that stuff on my sun burn! It's not like you didn't see everything earlier." I approach the bed and she is spread eagle, barely able to move it hurts so much. "Start on my arms and legs, I will do the rest." She says.I obediently start with her arms, rubbing gently the slimy blue aloe stuff with lidocaine in it. As I rub on the stinky blue stuff, I find my eyes glue to her massive breasts and realize I am starting to get a boner again. I try to fight it but it happens anyway. I move to her legs and try to angle my body so she can't see, but it is apparent she has by the wide eye look she is giving me. I am embarrassed, and wanting to run from the room."I am done!" I say with conviction. "She giggles and says, "could you do my belly as well?"I hesitate, but begin to do it. I spread out the stuff in a circular fashion smaller first, then. That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind.That so retain?d contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses. My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix?d with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes.That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying.
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