What do I really want? Is it that sense of completion that comes from having overcome every obstacle and achieving one’s goal? I think not. What I think is that I just want to feel whole again. I want my journey of the self to come to completion so I can figure out who the fuck I really am. I feel like I’m stuck in the underworld right now with the pale moon just visible above me through the furnace flames. The World tells me that not all is lost, that the journey continues towards completion, but right now it’s pretty hard for me to believe that I’ll ever feel whole again. Oblivion beckons. And even if it doesn’t turn out to be oblivion at all, at least it will be a change of scene. I look at the blade. I think of the Moon. I think of the World. One more card to decide me. The card that tells me my future. This card will tell me to live or to die. I turn it over. The Future Flip. Judgment. A choice. Well, I guess that’s what it all comes down to isn’t it? A choice. Was I expecting. Wait, has your supper been called off because of the snow?" she corrected, as she saw the four plates."Not yet, Mom, I'm expecting a call shortly to let me know, but with it still snowing outside I suspect it will be postponed. I'm not sure I was looking forward to this meal and the interrogation afterward." Interrogation; what interrogation? Spill it." Well, Sam says that her parents have sabotaged the other two times she has invited guys to her house to meet them. Both guys were in her classes; one was a regular guy, and one was a jock. Her parents humiliated the guys to the point they both left early, one in tears, and the other running down the street screaming. Sam and I think they are trying to make sure she is not distracted from their goal of her getting a doctorate before she is 20. They have some really aggressive plans for her since she is another genius in the family." I explained what I had found out about her parents, what I guessed their motives were, and also some of.
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