’ ‘…And don’t again.’ ‘I’m not going to.’ Mary looked at Ashley for a while. Ashley wanted to tell her to stop. ‘You will,’ Mary said. ‘Once someone does, they always do again.’ Ashley wasn’t sure if she should be offended. ‘I started off in divorce law,’ Mary said. ‘Believe me. You will again. You know you can now. You know the possibility’s there. You know you’re smart enough to get away with it, and there’s something inside you, some nasty thing, that means you want to do it.’ Ashley had no idea what to say. ‘You’ll want to again,’ Mary said. ‘Eventually. So don’t.’ Ashley nodded. ‘And don’t tell him,’ Mary said. ‘I’m not going to, and you shouldn’t either.’ ‘All right,’ Ashley said. ‘Thank you.’ ‘You’ll feel like you want to, but ignore that. Let him keep pretending everything’s fine.’ Ashley nodded slowly, not completely sure. ‘Trust me,’ Mary said. ‘Let this go. Pretend it didn’t happen, and in a month you won’t even think about it. But tell David, and in thirty years he’ll. I remember very little about the next few days as each day was a livingnightmare other than Brendan must have somehow heard the news, as therewas a small note from him on the kitchen table the following morningsaying that he was utterly desolate and unhappy for me as well; finallywishing it could've all been under much happier circumstances but he wasnow leaving immediately and would try to send the outstanding rent as soonas possible, but please never to try and find him.Oh my God I thought why did it take my poor sweet Siobhan's death to makeyou finally wake up and realise what you've bloody well done ! I looked inhis room which was empty thank God, as I swear I might well have killedhim on the spot and then myself.I suppose I must still have been in delayed shock too I don't know, but Iremember answering a phone call from Maureen the following day asking howI was and was there anything more she could do, finally saying that theManaging Director had very generously given me a.
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