Sometimes she'll turn the washer and dryer on so that I cannot even have the pleasure of listening to her relax. My mind begs and pleads for her to have pity on me, to release me from my kennel, a kennel made for a dog, a bitch. My heart sinks to the core of my being as I hear her go to the bathroom. I almost cry when I hear her footsteps trail off to her room followed by an unending silence. She has allowed me to hear her in the act of abandoning me. Does she realize the effect that the sound of her boots clicking across the floor has on me? Does she know the effect on me when I hear the toilet flush? I cannot even use the bathroom unless it is her will that I should!My Mistress had me drink a glass of water before I was cuffed up. She knew that the bit invading my mouth would cause me to drool incessantly, but now the insidiousness of that kind gesture is coming to light: I have to go to the bathroom. I'm scared now because I can feel the pressure building up within my bladder and I. Imean, isn't it a dream, as trans-women, to give birth to a child? Itmust be hard to give it shortly after, but most women here seem to befine with it. I mean, the process usually takes years, but the doctorsare doing it in one day of half-automated surgery and a year alignment,so you are then a woman from head to toe, and that is very impressive,"she says and looks at her watch."I know, 10 years ago, a year before my man died, I had that caraccident with that woman, Caroline. She crashed into my car and lucky,only my car had serious damages. I felt guilty, as she was on thepriority road, where I stood, so I visited her later in the hospital tolook after her. The moment, I opened the door to her room, she was closeto tears. She told me, that the doctors said to her, that she never canbe pregnant anymore, as a direct result of the crash. We talked verylong about it, as I also can't get pregnant. I lost my ovaries in mytwenties, as a consequence of my overweight back then. We had.
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