It was intensified by anticipation. She would do it over and over, I knew. She would do so until the muscles in her diaphragm ached from retching, and still be feverishly driven to continue."Don't tease me, girl," I commanded, knowing that at this point, Emily would be looking for a firm hand to guide her.I pressed on the back of her head, and looked in her eyes as they began to water involuntarily from the choking. I allowed her to try it that way for a long while. Eventually, she would be able to tame that reflex of her throat, but not tonight. She wouldn't be able to finish me that way.The fronts of her silken garments were soaked with the froth of saliva and stomach fluid by the time I finally took her hand, and guided her to the bed. She was gasping, her face red from the exertion. I lay her on her back, and gently propped a pillow behind her head.Emily was thankful that I wasn't giving up on her. She had wanted my help, and I wasn't going to disappoint her. I knelt over her. It was then I realized that she looked like Mum. She has thesame eyes as Mum. When she smiled, she looked like Mum. I don't knowif this made me have a closer connection with my sister, or was it justbecause we had it all the time? The first fall out I had with my Dadwas Saturday a month after Mum died. I was so bored. My sister wasplaying with her friends. I tried to ask Dad should we play somethingand he just grunted something. He obviously thought that I wasinvisible.?So I turned on TV. There were all children's shows. I liked some showslike The Little Mermaid and Care Bears. I would normally look at these,but today something caught my eye. It was ballet. I was just staringatthe way they danced. It was so graceful. The men wore tights andsoldier jackets that looked a bit funny. Then again, I wore tightsbefore. I wondered if I could do ballet and look just as pretty as themon TV. Then Dad started getting mad.?"What is it that you are looking at? Some puffy faggot Ballet? Is.
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