Oh, I wanted it, but it wasn't in the cards.So, she had moved away to a city about three hundred miles from home and I was now away from home as well, in college, mid-way through my junior year. I had a two bedroom house off-campus and had just lost my roommate when he lost his parent's support because of his grades. I wasn't surprised, he hardly was ever sober enough to go to class.I was now about two hundred miles from home and about the same distance from Tara where she moved to be with her boyfriend, a guy that I never particularly liked and one that our parents disliked intensely. Such is life in families, I suppose, and thought little of it until I got a call one early evening from my sister, sobbing that she was leaving her boyfriend who, it seems was fucking two other women.Unbelievable. I mean, you should see my sister. She's gorgeous. So, I listened and listened and she had already talked with Mom and Dad and they had offered her to move home but she was wondering if, since. I found this little black book under his mattress. Within its pages were pictures of me. Playing. Eating. At the park. At the beach. At parties. Sleeping...sleeping...sleeping… Me at five, me at eleven. Me in some of my most vulnerable of moments. And then vows. To always love me no matter what. To always protect me. Eli Youth, he wrote my name in swirling cursive letters and hearts around. I remember shaking and stuffing the book back into his mattresses that day. I didn’t speak to him for two weeks. He wondered what was going on, and I had never seen him sadder. Then one night I saw him looking at the book as he cried. I pretended I didn’t see the book when I walked in. “What’s the matter bro,” I said, not asking. He clamped the book shut. “Nothing. Go away.” I sat next to him and put my arms around him. “I’m better now.” I never saw him smile so hard. He asked me what was the matter and I confessed a lie. Some girl at school. Wanted to do things. I tried, but couldn’t. I don’t.
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